I’m going to start with an I’m sorry – Life got busy this month and I didn’t have a backup for yesterday’s regular post. So it is coming a day late. Sick babies will do that to you.
Every year, we go through the seasons Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. I often find myself wishing that we could get to the next one. When summer starts winding down, I’m always anxious for Fall. The leaves, the smells, the pumpkin patch, the sweaters – pretty much all of it.
Life is no different.
When you were a little kid, I’m going to guess you were anxious to be one of the big kids. Then you could do stuff! After that you wanted to be a teen, then you wanted to get on your own and so that desire for change went on. Desiring change seems like a natural part of life. I have found that this has been no different in parenting.
I have loved most stages my children have gone through, but I have also looked forward to the next one. I can remember being so excited about that first day of school. I love summer, but I invariably find myself excited about fall by mid August. Why? Why am I always so interested in the next thing? I have something right here and now. This last week I began thinking about this a little bit more.
It started with a “fallish” day. I was so excited to grab a plaid shirt and my leggings. I was even more excited to put C in some of her fall clothes. It dawned on me as I was looking at her drawer of cute little band tshirts and bloomers, that I would be missing the summer soon enough. From there it catapulted.
I held C last night and looked at her as she was across my chest. She is over 7 inches longer now than 7 months ago when she was born. It is amazing how quickly life is passing us by. C is at such a fun stage (apart from the cold). She moves around, plays with toys and interacts with everyone around her. As I stared at her perfect little feet I made myself a promise.
I’m going to enjoy today, everyday.
Tomorrow is going to get here. The fall weather will come. There will come a day when it is cold and snowy for a fourth day in a row and C is walking and into everything. I’m sure in that moment I will be wishing for Spring… I’ll have reasons to enjoy that then, but today… Today, I’m going to enjoy C and her ninja rolling to get where she needs to be. I’m going to enjoy those snuggles (even if they are cold induced).
Looking at this, I know that it has a lot to do with almost eight years of infertility. That kind of struggle offers perspective. Add to that C being diagnosed as Hard of Hearing at two months old and you realize that you don’t get to control things. For me, when I have stopped trying to control I have been given the freedom to enjoy.
Today, I have enjoyed smiling at C and having her smile right back at me for over a minute.
So… Stop hoping for fall. Enjoy those rays of warmth that the late summer sun provides. Stop looking longingly into the future. Enjoy the grubby hands picking you flowers and the toothless grins. You can’t stop tomorrow, it’s coming. When it gets here, you won’t get today back.
Enjoy this season.
Looking ahead (well this is ironic), we are going to be on a trip and I’ll be posting a new post hopefully next week on traveling with an Autistic son, a HoH baby and cloth diapers in a JuJuBe BRB. I’ve also got a post lined up on dealing with the Medicaid Buy In when things go wrong. Just my lessons learned.